Monday, February 23, 2015

Birdman-my take

I had heard lots about the movie Birdman. It was up for an OSCAR for best picture, best actor, best supporting actress and best supporting actor plus some I assumed it was definitely something I had to make time to watch.

I am not a stupid person but I had trouble getting the jist of the movie. What I took from it,  it was based on this guys Mid-Life crisis and his attempt to make a come back. I didn't quite get what his moving of objects or magical powers was about. But I felt like he had an emotional personality disorder...with his BIRDMAN inter-dialogue through out the movie....I was able to make a connection with the idea of losing your own identity as your grow older.
I have heard a lot about mid-life crisis' and that most men have them around 50 years of age and do crazy things like buy a red Porsche or have an affair with a younger women to rekindle who they used to be.
It's a scary thought and wonder if women go thru it too or are we just to fixated on dealing with menopause that we don't have time for a mid-life crisis. I am not to the point of menopause or a mid-life crisis but I have had moments of "where did the old me go?"
Similar to what Riggan went through in the movie. Yet not so in depth. But I often look in the mirror and look at my face or my body and wonder WTF? where did my cute little thin sassy self go. I have had 3 babies since meeting my husband 16 years ago and well I am at least 50 pounds over weight if not more (if I'm being truthful) my clothing style - crud I have no style. I like jeans and t-shirts and chucks but the shirts fit too tight, loose fitting, stylish clothing is harder to come by...and lately when I smile I have these bags under my eyes...ackkk this isn't a self hate post but well I don't look the same as I did 16 years ago - but who does?
I feel lucky to know that I have a truly devoted husband - I mean he makes me feel pretty - he tells me I am fine just as I am...which doesn't help the weight loss journey, I mean why change if he is fine with me - but of course the next thought is - there is always someone younger and cuter, or more fit and with bigger boobs then me, sorta of like Mike from the movie. He was younger and more talented but knew it which really made him an asshole...kind of what I think a younger chick would be like around my husband. You know needing and expecting more because they look cute - little do they know that my husband is so not into PDA or expensive gifts...they would be sadly disappointed with him. At least I hope so!!!
So I get the whole idea of a do-over , or desire for one, but what does that say about my happiness? Riggan defintely seemed unhappy. He felt so ir-relevant as though his career was what defined him.
What does that say about me...Does that mean that I am really dissatisfied with myself? Does it mean that I want to go back and be the person I was? I think it is NOT all inclusive.
I definitely don't want to go back, because I was reckless back then. I slept around for a while because I could. I flaunted myself around with such sass that it was appealing to men, but I wish I had the same body I did back then but not the same attitude. I do wish I had the same confidence or cockiness I did back then for certain.
I love my husband deeply, he balances me out. He makes me feel loved, beautiful and sexy. Do I wish the wrinkles would stop showing up - hell yes both the ones on my face and the ones on my ass. Do I wish I was every mans desire, NO - that only leads to trouble...
I think we as a society will always want to look like the people in the magazines, we will always want more "things" more money, more cars, more clothes..etc. We will diet until the cows come home and reach our goal weight and still see flaws. We will buy all the creams and serums to diminish the wrinkles. Dye our hair and wax our parts to appeal to our "husbands" but also be able to fit into the the stereotype or what is  "IN" now!!!
I know I am not alone in this thinking. I think we try and tell ourselves we don't care but truthfully we'll continue to pay for their advice and services.
I think there should be a movement of big, fat, beautiful, 40 something MARRIED women, who are happy, accomplished and sexy. Not to change society but to let others know that SKINNY & RICH are NOT the only way to happiness or to be part of the "IN" crowd.
That wouldn't be so bad, would it?
Maybe I'll make that a mission of mine? We'll see.
Anyway, that's my take on the BIRDMAN movie. Do you see how easy it was for me to be confused on the whole thing. If you know what the movie was really about - please enlighten me!
Live Happy

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Marriage - what I dreamed of

I think that when we are young we learn what makes a good marriage from either seeing our parents relationship and or other family members around us. Personally, I saw the relationship my folks had and used them as an example for both what I wanted to be and what I absolutely would not do or tolerate from my partner.

 I knew I wanted to have a nice home and I knew I did NOT want to work after I had kids (although) I didn't know it once I was married, I actually had to be talked into staying home by my mom when the time came for me to care for my baby girl...crazy I know...

I knew that I wanted to be married forever (my folks were married for 35+years) I was looking forward to growing old with the same man and I knew I wanted to laugh and have fun with my man  forever
I knew more then anything that I didn't want to get bored, that I didn't want to feel like I had to stay with him, I didn't ever want to see another man and lust after him, I never wanted our sex to get tired,
More then anything, above all, I wanted to LOVE my best friend FOREVER.
Being totally honest, I am on my second marriage. I mean now a days who isn't? But In all fairness, I knew all the things above but I was so young and I was looking for a way out of my folks  house and I had a baby and figured no one else would want me...STUPID I know that now.
So then when I went and fooled around for a few years - I always kept my eyes and heart open waiting for the right person, who I knew I would live happily ever after took a few years but I found him and my guard stayed up for awhile. He had to work hard but I am so glad he perservered!!!! I am proud to say that 16 years later we are super happy, we don't fight about IMPORTANT things, not over money or jealousy, only things that irritate me & him, we laugh everyday, cuddle and kiss and say I love you daily. Our sex even, now in our 40+ is hotter then ever.
This marriage is exactly what I dreamed of way back then and feel very lucky to know what it is I wanted and what I wouldn't settle for.
I hope you have the marriage you have always wanted and dreamed of.
Happy Tuesday